Checking in with your Spouse…
Take turns asking each other this list of questions. One person should hear all the answers to all the questions before switching. If one person ends up talking the whole time you have allotted, don’t worry…start with the other person the next time. Make sure that the overall time each person has to talk is equal over the course of several of these encounters.
Just listen to the other person without giving any negative feedback or advice or problem-solving–unless your partner specifically asks for it. When the first person to share signals he or she has finished speaking, the other person should attempt to summarize what the first person has stated before responding.
- “What was the best thing that happened to you this week?”
- “What was the worst thing?”
- “How did I best meet your needs this week?”
- “How did I least meet your needs this week?” (Beware: don’t become defensive when you hear the answer…just listen!)
- “What could I have done differently in that situation that would have been more helpful for us?”
- “What are you the most worried about right now?”
- “Is there any way I could help you with that worry?”
- “What are you feeling in this very moment?”